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Update: Day 18/44. Have lost a total of 13 lbs. Fever gone. Nausea under control. Sore throat giving me problems. Good spirits.
I believe Mr. sore throat is here to stay. Doesn’t really hurt to talk, just to swallow. After the fever went away, I figured it was time to get back on a regular eating/drinking routine. They want me drinking 100 oz of liquid a day, at least half of that being water. So on Wednesday, Mr. Tough Guy that I am, decided I don’t need no stinkin’ medicine to swallow and had half a bowl of cereal in the morning, half a 6″ subway for lunch and about three bites of something for dinner. So much for toughing it out.
Today (Thursday) I decided to see if those Dr’s really know what they are talking about and tried the medicine route. First up, the “Magic Mouthwash”. If you read earlier, its basically lydocaine you swirl in your mouth and swallow and it numbs everything in you mouth….lips…tongue….throat….but I was able to eat a couple of eggs and a piece of toast so I’ve got that going for me…which is nice.
Now here is where the depression kicks in…..
I believe it is safe to say that for at LEAST 45 of my 50 years….that there has been one constant in my life….(other than family, blah blah, blah ) and that is….Coca Cola. I am one of the biggest Coca Cola fans out there. Or as we say in the south…Coke. Everything in the South is a Coke. ”what kind of Coke do you want? A Sprite or a Dr. Pepper?” There is “real Coke…(leaded)….Diet Coke..(yuck) …Coke Zero (ok)…but Coke is king. In college, I was probably up to drinking 10-12 A DAY. I’m sure in the halls of the Coca Cola museum in Atlanta, my name is portrayed prominently. Now I don’t drink quite that many now…maybe 3 a day….but it is where I get my caffeine. I hate coffee. Coke is the king.
So with the fever the last couple of days an dealing through the sore throat, I realized I had not had a Coke in two days. I don’t think I have ever gone two days in my entire life without a coke. So at lunch today..grabbed a Coke….heard the all too familiar sound of the pop top….brought it to my lips…..and took a big ole drink….and almost spit it out it hurt so much. It burned the whole way down my throat. Ok….maybe that was just the first swallow in a while and my throat needs to get used to it….but oh no….it burned just the same with the 2nd and 3rd swallow. Woe is me. This is truly depressing. One of the few constants in my life has forsaken me. Nooooooooooo.
UNRELATED STORY TIME……or…..YOU HAVE TO BE SMARTER THAN THE AVERAGE BEAR
In my early days with the Dallas Police Department, I was working Patrol with my partner, Scott. It was a nice, summer evening, and we were driving through a neighborhood that had seen better days. As we were slowly driving, up ahead, walking in the middle of the road, were four black teenagers, coming toward us. As we were about 50 yards away, one of them dramatically reached into his pocket, picked something out, and threw it in the adjacent yard. Scott and I looked at each other and smiled and pulled up to a stop in the middle of the street, got out, and told all of them to place their hands on the hood of our car. We patted all four down for weapons (there were none) and as Scott began looking in the area of the yard where the guy threw something, I decided to utilize my vast police experience (of one and half years) and impart some knowledge on these juvenile delinquents.
“You know….(i began) I’ve seen some really stupid people in my life. I mean, I’ve seen some people that didn’t know their ass from a hole in the ground. I’ve met people that didn’t know their name, where they were from, where they were going…but out of all these stupid people I met, I don’t think I have EVER met anyone as stupid as you. Did you not think we could see you throw something down? We were looking right at you. You made it SO obvious. Did you think we were blind?”
Now the teenager in question decided that he wasn’t going to say anything, nor were his friends. They just remained still with their hands on the hood of our car. I glanced over at my partner, waiting for the AHA moment where he found whatever this guy threw down but Scott is now down on a knee looking through the freshly cut grass. Jeez, even my partner is blind. So with nothing else better to do, I decided to continue my skillful berating of Mr. Juvenile.
‘I mean really……how blind do you think we are? Did you practice that maneuver over and over and think you have it down so well that it would work and two experienced police officers wouldn’t notice? Jeez I’ve seen some rookie moves but that was over the top bad. You couldn’t have been more obvious. A moron wouldn’t have missed that move. How stupid did you think we are and now that we have you here, how stupid do you feel?”
Smiling smugly, I looked over and my partner Scott is separating the blades of grass by hand, still hasn’t found anything. He looks at me, shrugs, and stands up. My partner really is blind so I decide to take a look. As I’m looking, I hear Scott…..
“As my partner said, you guys take the cake. That was one of the most stupid moves I have ever seen. Most guys try to be subtle. Do you even know what that means? That means do it where no one can see it. Go look it up because you don’t know the meaning. That was over the top. That was the opposite of subtle. That was just plain stupid.”
Scott looks at me…and I can’t find anything. We confer for a moment and we decide to save as much face as we can when Scott addresses the guy that threw something and said….
“Alright..we have decided to cut you guys a break. Here is the deal. What was it you threw down?” The juvenile tells us it was a joint of marijuana. ”Ok…here is the deal….if WE find it…you are going to jail.” (We haven’t found it yet but its all about the bluff.) If YOU find it and destroy it….We will let you go.”
Mr Juvenile said….”Let me get this straight….if YOU find it…we are going to jail but if WE find it and destroy it…you will let us go?”
“That is correct”
Mr Juvenile said….”Ok then…but I need to take my hands off the hood of your car.” We nodded. He then took his hands off the hood of our car, reached in our open driver side door, popped the hood of OUR car…..reached in, grabbed the marijuana joint from inside the hood of OUR car….crumbled it up…started laughing his ass off and walked away.
When this kid saw us, he ACTED like he threw something but when we put their hands on our hood, he slipped it down the crack of our own car hood.
Scott and I just looked at each other and laughed. Some days you have to be smarter than the average bear.